Points to consider in the communication process
Cyprus International University (CIU) Faculty of Education Lecturer Prof. Dr. Çağla Gür talked about one of the most important problems of our time namely lack of communication and not listening to others, and said, "People will listen when they feel respected and valued."
Gür said people hear one another when spoken to, but hearing does not necessarily mean listening to the other person. “Often times, our message does not reach our children and our spouse, and this makes us feel disappointed. Basically, people listen when they feel respected and valued. Otherwise, they get nervous,” she added.
Prof. Dr. Gür stated that people care more about how we make the other person feel or what kind of energy we radiate. "Starting the day with a smile or even saying good morning are behaviors that give positive energy not only to us but to our loved ones as well."
Dr. Gür reminded that putting the blame on the other person and defending yourself on issues where there is a disagreement or a dispute is not a constructive approach. Gür said that one should not try to communicate in a defensive or accusatory manner as this will not be effective in reaching the messages to be conveyed but that a constructive approach will always be more productive.
Prof. Dr. Gür noted that it would not be enough for individuals to understand the other person, but "The important thing is to make him/her feel that we have totally understood what s/he wanted to convey.”
Pointing out that in order to be a good listener in the communication process, we need to pay attention not only to words but also to behaviors, Gür said, "Behaviors such as putting our hand on one's shoulder and physically hugging affect communication positively."
Gür stated that when communicating with children, praising them unnecessarily should be avoided. “It is important to stay away from messages that are meaningless and just instill self-confidence. It is necessary to give the child an opportunity to reap the fruits of his labor by trying.”
It is also important for people to question themselves in their communication processes, Gür said, and suggested, “Assess the situation that you have no control over realistically and try to understand what you do not accept. Whatever you cannot change, accept it from a realistic point of view.”
Prof. Dr. Gür emphasized that we should always be constructive especially in our communication with children, and concluded by saying, “There are times when we expect the plum tree to yield apricots, but if we accept the fact that our tree is a plum tree and if we produce constructive solutions, then we will not have apricots, but we will harvest high quality plums.”